Had a rough night sleeping from being in the same position all day and then all night, but physically I have very little discomfort this morning. Two more days of antibiotics and then a whole lot of sitting and healing until I can walk without risk of further trauma…
Took last antibiotics last night. I’m going to continue to take it easy, minimal movement/walking, for a while longer. I can’t say, but I know I have to do it well past when I’m feeling without pain, because I have very little control over what is happening, so I can at least control how I’m using my body.
I don’t want to do this for another round, I want to heal and be done with this.
Feeling not too bad today. Just the barest sense of soreness. And I’m not moving today! That means no neighborhood strolls, not even pacing the room… such activities are too much, until I’ve no soreness left, and then some, to ensure I am fully healed.
Feeling pretty good these days, though still an ever bit of soreness. As a reminder: stay put, don’t move too much, just heal up.
This morning the manager of the urgent care facility that turned me away called; our call was disconnected several times, but not before I was able to share my email address. They would like to resolve this, so I will give them an account of what happened directly. I suppose I could just point them to:
Well… I’ve got more dental stuff happening. I’ll keep it brief and concise.
The tooth that was extracted, I believe it had to be in part because of a wisdom tooth coming in behind it. That wisdom tooth is now… coming in. Ugh. And it’s a strange angle and all, but also… behind where I have an empty space, so this whole thing is just really weird for me, in a very existential way.
And it is all happening so very close to my brain. Ugh.
And that’s it. I’m not in pain, just someone teething in their 40s. And not entirely sure how dentistry even works half the time.
Going to dentist today for checkup/cleaning. I’m anxious and don’t know why, but that’s how it is.
Rationally, nothing bad is gonna happen, and yet my brain keeps holding onto this… fear. As in, I’m stating this plainly: I’m tired of this, I simply have no useful reason for “fearing” anything related to this. What I do have to look forward to is a long, healthy life with my family.
I have a plan for moving forward with dental work, of which there is a lot, but somehow relatively manageable. The first order is a partial deep cleaning, at which point they will also perform an extraction of a tooth that is mostly gone (my crown broke or something many years ago).
I can’t say I’m thrilled by the journey ahead of me, but at least there will be nitrous… haha, ha, ha.
Oh, speaking of sobbing…
Warning: I touch on disturbing memories from my childhood, skip if you aren’t in the mood, I get it.
Hmmm, how to explain this at this juncture… okay, most of my dental visits before now have been painful affairs, pain caused by the dentists. As in, I’ve never been properly numbed until the current dentist. So there’s that. As a spatial sequence synthede, I have too much direct access to those memories. I often wonder how my brain can direct my body to step into the office, the torturous memories flood me so much.
Okay, there’s that. But also my memory of the first time I was to visit a dentist, a distant, horrible memory. And it has nothing to do with the dentist! It has to do with the financial burden it put on my single mother of three, having recently escaped a hellish marriage… even as I write this, thinking I was more raw than anything, I can feel a throbbing, stabbing pain in my chest.
I’m not turning away, but fuck this is real for me, and I’m miserable in that moment 30 years ago. And the kicker, I was about Clover’s age.
Today after breakfast I reviewed Clover’s brushing technique.
Scheduling is becoming difficult: the first available spot coincides with my new patient appt at my new doctors office, so I can’t get around that, it’s potentially more important, and then the second time coincides with yet another important medical appt unrelated! But at least we are working it out over email, since I don’t have reception at home…
I have a lot of reservations about nitrous oxide. Not it’s effectiveness! It’s rad. It’s that I grew up around loads of people all over America that would steal tanks of the stuff and get blitzed on it, and that strong association weighs on my mind when I think about requesting it for an operation. Even if that operation is a tooth extraction! What I mean is, it’s hard to be rational when it comes to pain. Whoo.
Okay, got a couple of dental appointments in Oct., one for deep cleaning + extraction, the next for deep cleaning (other side) + filling. And I’ve requested nitrous oxide for both. I think I have regular dental visits in my future, and I’d like them to be little lucid dreams to counter the horror stories of my memories.
Slept fine, no ill side affects from the blod clot forming. I slept deeply most of the night, as I was very exhausted, and at 6AM it rained for five minutes. I wasn’t sure if I was very tired and imagining it…
Yesterday was busy, starting with new classes for Clover (Daily log, maiki - #59 by maiki), and culminating in my “new patient” visit to my new medical provider.
So much is going on and I’ll expand on these as I process them, but there is a very detailed plan with lots of moving parts:
I’ll be getting a CT scan for my abdomen and mid section, to check the “structure”
I have a prescription for emergency antibiotics in case I have a recurrence, which is pretty awesome (and I hope I don’t need to use it)
I’ll be getting blood samples taken for tests, which I may go into the clinic part during business hours and get done (this is a hospital, so they have all their own labs)
Most importantly, I’m scheduling to see a urologist, in person. This was a contention with my last provider, I never even spoke with a urologist, but they were diagnosing me and prescribing me antibiotics…
Whoo, it’s tiring just thinking of all that stuff… oh, and I got a TDAP (tetanus vaccination). It was quite comprehensive.
The building itself is massive, and before I found where I was supposed to be I had visited 4 different clinics on three floors, though they were able to defer me to the correct clinic within 5 minutes; I know how a very good sense of layout for the building!
I had that scheduled, but there was a misunderstanding and I need to get blood work done first. The blood work is done at an on-site lab at my provider’s clinic, I can go in anytime as a walk-in. However, I have literally not had any spare moment to do so.
Also… today I went in for a filling and instead had to have a root canal; the cavity was internal, and the blob on the x-ray was a lot deeper than thought.
Now I have three crowns to get, rather than two, and they are in a row, 29-31.
I’ve got to get on top of this scheduling, which will become easier in November… I hope.
I’m feeling, um, hesitant. Like, I need external accountability, so I’m sharing that I need:
to schedule an appointment for a CT scan; was dependent on today’s blood tests
to schedule an appointment with a cognitive behavior specialist
When I have done these things I will update here, and until then you are invited to ask me how this is coming along (we have a field trip tomorrow, so I was going to wait until Thursday to make these appointments).